Found in the Desert Place

Totally humbled to lead worship in an army barracks tonight. Some of the young men were leaving in less than 2 days to do their first overseas tours, getting thrown into their first ever experience of war. I can't begin to imagine how terrifying that must be. The fear was palpable. I need to remember them in prayer.

Why is it that whenever I visit a different social environment the wisdom of God, the songs that we sing and the words we read in scripture seem so much more imminently real? It's beginning to frustrate me.

In India I'm amazed at the transformation from life to death, from moribund idols to the true and living God, to looking after orphans and widows - faith with fruit.

Tonight some of the lines we sung took upon an entirely new meaning for me. Feeling slightly frustrated that I don't live in a place where there is more at stake than where your earnings fall between £10,000 or £60,000 . Maybe that's a bit unfair and I'm just not involved in the right things, I'm chuffed my church is trying to provide a family for these soldiers, and I want to be a support too where I can. Western consumerism has just become so effective at convincing itself it has no need to worry about life, death and the things of God. There needs to be an urgency about my faith that refuses to recline into the comfortability of the likelihood that I will live until I'm 80 and nothing really matters that much. With all the naivety in the world, the more real these words are to me, the more likely it is that I am fully relying on my God for everything I have, a position I want and need to be in.

"Blessed be your name when I'm found in the desert place, when I walk through the wilderness, Blessed be your name"

"And though I walk the darkest path, I will not fear the evil one, for YOU are with me and your rod and staff are the comfort I need to know"

"Through many dangers, toils and snares, I have already come; 'Tis grace has brought me safe this far, And grace will lead me home"

"Blessed be your name, On the road marked with suffering, though there's pain in the offering, Blessed be your name"

Wise

For the Lord gives wisdom

and from His mouth comes knowledge and understanding

He holds victory in store for the upright

He is a shield to those whose walk is blameless.

For he guards the course of the just

and protects the way of his faithful ones.

Proverbs 2: 6-8

I love the simplicity of the wisdom on offer here. We all face difficult situations where it's a struggle between desire (not necessarily sinful) and 'doing the right thing' in terms of honouring God in my thoughts and my actions, even when nobody would ever find me out.

What does Godly wisdom say?

I need to be upright

I need to be blameless

I need to act justly

I need to be one of His faithful ones

then He will let me share in his Victory

He will protect me, the unshakable shield.

No brainer? Bring on the hard stuff.

New song

With your whole life you chose to show

Your Spirit in us can change the world

Loving and gracious You still are

You light up the way, and limping behind, we follow on.

Chorus:

Oh take this heart of stone away

In me no longer let it stay

The mind that was in Christ impart

Give me a new a perfect heart

Verse 2:

Gave no defence when you were accused

As you overcame our sin for us

Though you were tempted You refused

To give up on those, who nailed up your hands and took your life

Bridge:

Jesus what a mystery

That as your life takes root in me

I’m sharing in Your victory

When the Elder speaks, y'all better listen

And so, four weeks into our trip the sweaty trains of Mumbai have been exchanged for the fresh smelling serenity of Pune. Population 22 million exchanged for just 5 million (I know thats more people than in Scotland, but it feels like a peaceful retreat by comparison).

Things I miss about Mumbai:

working with some incredible people in the biggest slum in Asia, being able to get a rickshaw anywhere at anytime without even asking, being relatively mosquito easy, Kebab Corner and the great projects and friends made at all the projects I visited...

Things I don't miss:

overcrowded steel sweat-boxes- a poor excuse for public transport, the sheer number of what I will politely call 'starers', the humidity and rain which gets you wet and keeps you wet...

After arriving here on Tuesday night we have had a fairly relaxed introduction but here are a just a few of our recent activities...

The first thing to say is that the food here is incredible... we are staying in a bed and board Bible college and we have an excellent chef. Meals are now a treat rather than a chore and I can finally say that curry is acceptable at any time of day. The highlight for me is the home made peanut butter served with freshly made bread for breakfast - incredible!

Secondly, last night the team visited the O.M slum base to join half a dozen men our age for their daily worship and prayer meeting. It was incredible to pray and worship in two (or three) languages as we prayed for the area and the work O.M do there. Hopefully we can continue to get to know and encourage these guys as we work together for the next two weeks.

We have just started our work here in Pune, so have little to tell but lots to think about, upcoming events include working with a children's kindergarten, teaching English to those who have dropped out of formal education, leading prayer meetings and Bible study groups, youth work and daily prayer hours, as well as the opportunity to do some teaching and Church preaching as well. Should be a fantastic week and if you fancy it, why not throw some prayer our way for all of the above!

that is all, unless Mr Dean has anything funny and undermining to add to this particular entry!

Aaron

Jai Ho! A month on and we still believe.

I suffer from a lack of literary prowess. I can't avoid the temptation of starting each of these with either "Right" "so" or "ok", because I don't know any better. Confession time over.

Ok, right, so the boys have been here a month now. I'm a good way through my third week now, its flown by, and we've had such a positive time. We've now left Mumbai for Pune, and have been here a couple of days. It's a small city, only a mere 6 million odd people live here, and we've landed some sweet accommodation in a little retreat centre beside the military base.

We're here for two weeks with Operation Mobilisation. It's still early days yet, but we'll be spending a lot of time with the members of a small church, about 10 years old, that is totally committed to seeing transformation in their slum community. Its already been challenging just spending time with them. Yesterday 4 of us joined 7 boys in a tiny room they'd built with their hands to facilitate a school for 'drop outs' and a place to pray for the area and the world. I assure you, you have never heard anybody pray like these guys pray. I could spend years with a specialist vocal coach and not speak/shout as loudly, as passionately as fervently as these young men from about 14- 22. Every day, no matter what is going on, they meet for an hour to pray, how many of us show this sort of commitment at home? They've also memorised a fair bit of scripture and they're not ashamed to show it!

So we're going to be visiting and helping youth groups, schools, education centres, house groups and doing a bit of training and speaking/leading in the next 10 or so days, but a whole lot of learning too.

Meeting together this morning we had a chance to reflect on some of the things we've learnt and its pretty cool hearing from the other boys some invaluable lessons are being taught. Maybe I'll drop in some gems as I write now. If you're lucky.

Leaving Mumbai was sad. We really made some great friends in the classes at Blue Edge, in the staff at Oasis India and with people in the churches and families we spent time with. Last week was quite a bitty week. As I wrote last time, we went to speak to some pimps in the red light district of Mumbai. This is one of the weirdest things I've ever been asked to do, and I'm still figuring out what really happened. Myself and Aaron visited a couple of brothels to invite the young men to the project we would be speaking at, and I've never been in such a desperate place, ever. It was horrible. There was such a lack of hope in that place, a resignation that nothing good was going to happen today or any other day. The problem is, a lot of these 18, 19 year old men, who work bringing in punters to the brothel on the street, have never known anything else, and have been trained for this purpose since they were little kids. It's desperate. So we invited them in and talked with them for about an hour on what it meant to respect each other, with our own parables and examples. They were well up for dialogue through the translator and appeared to take quite a lot from the session, or so they said! One of the main things that I've been challenged on in this trip has been to value everybody we meet as a person made in the Image of God, and someone with value. It was tricky last week I must admit, especially when your mind tries to comprehend how the thousands of women in the red light district, some of them just girls, live their lives. It sucks. But there are lots of brilliant people working hard to end human trafficking, to show people in this work that there are other ways to live and there is a living God that actually loves them a lot.

After our long farewells at Blue Edge (where we were teaching) we visited a slum project in the biggest slum in Mumbai. Just under a million Indians live there, and conditions were pretty rubbish. There is no sanitation infrastructure so in the monsoon season everything gets flooded. Slowly they are trying to raise the height of the houses to protect them from flood water. But all the water and rubbish everywhere leads to quite a lot of disease. The place that we visited was a 'balwati', a nursery for 3-5 year olds, and it was great. The children were amazing and we had good fun with them. One story we heard though was that last week someone had visited and held a young 4 year old girl in her arms, and when she returned on Monday, the girl had died. She'd just caught some infection and through lack of education, or awareness by the time the doctor had reached that girl there was nothing they could do. India can seem quite similar sometimes and is, but its stories like that that hit home the huge gulf in quality of life sometimes, especially in the slums.

Finally , on Sunday we had a whale of a time playing football all day in the filthiest conditions you've ever seen. This was much needed and plenty enjoyed! We'd visited a new church on the Sunday morning and had been invited for the day to spend some time with them. The church was in Bandra West, one of the most affluent areas in Mumbai, where Bankers and Bollywood stars alike dwell in luxury apartments. We had been working for the last few weeks in Bandra East, just 10 minutes drive away. The same place you might think! The differences are scary. Different languages, different clothes, a different smell, different sewage systems. They feel like different worlds let alone different countries. Those of us who live in affluent areas have a huge responsibility to the poor that we have to take seriously. Of this I was truly reminded.

We had a great chat with one of the Oasis project leaders last week. He just reminded us how when he reads his bible in the morning, sometimes he struggles to see how it makes sense. But when he arrives to work in the slums, there is no doubt what he has been asked to do. Following Jesus is pretty simple sometimes!

²⁷Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

⁴⁴"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'

⁴⁵"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'

Oh yeah, the team are doing ok. Intermittent Diarrhea affects all apart from Aaron who has the most righteous excrement the history of Poona. He refuses to pass on his secret. Two weeks today I will be in Kent!

It's a real team effort out here: Dr Lucas Phd Burkas gives a little insight into what he's up to.

After the initial culture shock and Delhi-belly, I'm starting to love the place and the people. Bandra, the slum where I work, is my favourite. For the past 3 weeks I have been tutoring 3 girls in the morning and 2 girls in the afternoon. It has been amazing to get to know them all, and visiting their homes/meeting their families is an experience I will never forget! Because they are only a few, I have really been able to hear their story and share my life with them. The girls (well, they're 17/18) are all Hindus and Muslims so I simply ask them each day how I can pray for them. We hope to pray for healing over a few of the girls parents who are sick from TB/have suffered from domestic violence. It's a big leap, but when you think that God made everything, it's not really, is it? Please pray for the people we are working amongst!!!

Ladies and Gentleman, I give you, Aaron Elder. Add him on facebook! Except if you're a girl he'll just pester you on fb chat

Thomas was right, this is the easiest way to share news with people at home...

Speaking of sharing, India has given us all an incredible insight into what it means to give sacrificially, signified most delicately by the generous distribution of the last toilet roll... Of which I, the iron belly of the team, was ludicrously short changed!

Will do my best with the limited time to update those who can be bothered to read...

What monsoon?

As Thomas has already shared, monsoon season is upon us and its like nothing else. Its both brilliant and devastating - on one hand, there is nothing better than hill running in the showering rain, which is our stapler exercise regimen, much to the bemusement to spectating Indians. However, there is nothing more devastating than being caught in the rain without an umbrella - imagine being shot with a power washer whilst on your way to a full day of classroom teaching... so swings and roundabouts.

Pimp skills?

The last that you heard Thomas and I were going to visit some pimps for a chat and on Tuesday we did. First we toured the brothel which is simply hundreds of tiny rooms leading of a giant square and is probably the most unpleasant place I have ever been. Not necessarily because it was dirty and cramped and rat-infested, although all those things are true, but more because all the people there and the general atmosphere of the place was desperate and incredibly sad, not so much intimidating but somber as pimps lay around waiting for there working day to begin. The group session which followed, consisted of half a dozen 20-somethings each working as a pimp. We led on respect and speaking through a translator told parables to get the point across that we should not just respect those who are above us, but also those beneath who we are told we do not need to respect. A fairly simple 'treat others as you would like to be treated' but for them this is a huge life challenge. The guys themselves were incredibly passive and seemed to lack any sense of self-esteem - it was a bizarre experience but challenging and thought provoking.

Stop crying mate, its embarrassing...

Yesterday, I said goodbye to the school that I have been teaching English in which was actually quite tough, I have got to know some of the students really well and they have shared really openly about their lives and backgrounds, many of which are difficult to hear. Meeting people who have been orphaned and alone since they can remember is something that I cannot relate to and I often feel angry that they have not had the same loving and supportive upbringing that I have.
I have also been learning that I should carry my passion for sharing my faith with others home with me. I have a real desire to witness to and share my testimony with others and hope to bring this home... the guys we meet have absolutely nothing, they have no money, no home, no family or support and seemingly no friends, but I know that if they have Jesus in their lives then he can be more than enough.
In this way I am treating the next 3 weeks as a trial for my life at home - I know that 'on mission' it is very easy to be missional and keep your attention fixed on God, but I know that this is something I must carry home with me - and certainly something I am learning.

Mcdonalds rat (speaks for itself)

the highlight of my day was seeing supposed hard man Thomas 'mean' Dean flinching hysterically when i brushed his leg in Mcdonalds after staff had warned us that there was a rat running loose - brilliant! (chortle chortle - editor)

Why not?

If you are so inclined then I personally would love you to pray that God would use me effectively here and that I might increasingly work in his strength and not my own and that I would continue to be enriched by the experience.
For us as a team please pray for more of the same regarding our work and team times which are both running excellently. Also, it would be great if you could pray for the health of the guys and that leaving our projects over the weekend as we prepare to move on to Pune would be a good time - especially as we pray for our students and the people in the community.

time is up and the boys are nagging me to leave - they have their legs crossed and are moaning something about not being able to hold on?!

Aaron

Like a thief in the night.

The cosmic pendulum has well and truly swung. Like an angry mosquito mother nature has stung me for all I'm worth. I come to the country of Chicken Buryani and I go veggie, I live through a monsoon and I can only drink bottled water, but still Diarrhea has found me, and now lives in me.

Something profound Paul Gera once said to me "Diarrhea sucks". It doesn't suck Paul, it blows. It blows like a Humpback Whale with self-esteem issues,

and all you can do is amuse yourself by thinking up ridiculous animal similes as the sweat runs down your face again.

Monsoon: Not just an overpriced cardigan shop for ladies of leisure...

Ok! so, a week on. I should've updated earlier as I will leave out lots of interesting happenings but oh well. There are so many cultural, natural, comical and disastrous things to mention but to be honest they're all pretty subservient to the fact that we're all loving it out here. The projects could barely have worked out for us better in the last week after some initial frustration from the boys.

Aaron and I are continuing to teach life skills and English at our slum project in Bandra and we're getting to know our class really really well, while being handed over a bit more responsibility. On friday we taught about 55 pupils for over 5 hours! My voice has completely gone by Saturday, but we loved it. We're getting to know a bit more about these guys stories too as we look at lifeskills like Attitude, Peer Pressure and setting goals. One girl came up to the front and was very tearful as she shared that her parents both died before she was 2 and had since endured a relationship of abuse from her foster-father, for about 15 years... she said that this was the first experience of positive community she'd ever had in her life and was loving it, especially that her English was improving. Pretty cool eh?
Another boy is also an orphan and stays in a convent over an hour away but just loves the classes and as I said before there is such an impressive desire to learn throughout all of the students. We're hoping this week to visit some of them at their homes as we've been invited, but the persistent rain does us no favours whatsoever.

We have a busy week lined up actually, tomorrow me and Aaron are going to the Aruna project that Drew has been working at to speak to some men who work in brothels (a.k.a pimps (!) ) on what it means to respect one another, on Thursday we are visiting a new slum project in one of the poorest places in Mumbai and on Friday we sign off our time in Mumbai with a whole staff meeting with the whole Oasis staff team.
We've been going along to Bombay Baptist Church the last few weeks and yesterday had the opportunity to visit there street-kids outreach. It was amazing, there are about 15 children who live around the central station and basically just beg all day. On Sunday's they come and play games, listen to stories and have a check up with a doctor - which is invaluable. Like so many thing we've seen so far, it was brilliant, but hard to stomach. Some of these guys can't have been older than 5. And they aren't alone, they represent children all over the city in pretty desperate poverty and social situations. It can be pretty emotionally exhausting seeing desperate case after desperate case at train stations, by the side of the road and in the slums. Learning who you can help and who you can't is a difficult lesson to learn, but I'm glad we have such great projects to serve in at the moment. Time is running out fast though!

Projects
speaking of projects. I realise this bloggy thing here is pretty introspective. But I only really want to speak for myself. FYI here's a quick run down of what everyone else is up to.

Aaron - he's the lucky one. He's with me, and I with him. What a quality guy!
Luke - has been teaching English in the afternoons to girls who are connected to a sewing project. He's been absolutely loving getting to know them well and their families too! But could find it the hardest out of all of us to leave as it's been pretty much 1 2 1 teaching sessions.
Drew - has been working at the Aruna project in town. I really don't know enough about this project yet but they work with prostitutes and their children in some of the largest brothels in Mumbai. Helping them and sharing lives with them. Will know more after tomorrow.
Mackie - has been with Luke quite a lot of the time, resourcing the little primary school there by doing some great drawings and alphabets etc. He taught me the difference between night and day! thanks mackie!

Next
So yesterday Mackie and Drew (aka Macwise and Gilldo the 2nd) went on a traveling expedition up to the Taj Mahal. Something to do with Drew's architecture project and Drew looking for a wife. Mackie the ever faithful wing-man.
That leaves Luke Aaron and myself here for another 9 or so days to serve in or projects and finish well. Nice. Then it's on to Pune, 3 hours away, for two weeks serving with OM. Really looking forward to the chance to see the schools that Morningside Baptist Church help to build! oh yes.

What's really been happening
So you've stomached all my update chat. Well done. The rain here has been unbelievable, as in, you would'nt believe it. Close your eyes and imagine the hardest rain you can ever remember witnessing in the UK, do it now. Ok, imagine ten times harder, and about 20 hours a day. Sometimes you can't stand up in it, you can't see each other in it - it's not particularly nice. For a brief 5 minute period on Wednesday the density of my trousers actually overtook the population density of Mumbai. All has returned to normal now though.
Drew regular gets sick because of overeating, he tried to order 4 pizzas for himself the other day, we had to sternly talk him down. We have a love-hate relationship with the Rickshaw drivers. Some are absolute heroes, but some go the wrong way and break down, while me and Aaron were chased into a cafe by a possibly rabid driver after far more cash than he was owed. A shouting match then ensued - he won by miles as he was the only one shouting - we didn't pay him though.


Healthwise we've been doing ok-ish. Mackwise has had chronic diarrhea since I arrived and everyone else has had their moments. Since I updated you on my poo last week everything down there has been more than I could ever ask for, but everything else has gone to pot. I'm gutted to be missing the project today but I have a headache, temperature, runny nose and a cough so I'm trying to rest up as much as possible. The show must go on.

Mosquitoes are the bain of my life, collecting upon average about 4/5 bites a day. Which doesn't sound like a lot but that's potentially 140 over a month! I think the surface area of my tiny torso can fit about 100 max so we'll see how that works out. And before you ask, yes I have a mozzy net, and I consistently lather myself up with 50% deet. But honestly, the stuffs about as effective as the England Football teams back four. Thankfully this is apparently a malaria free zone, although when David went to the hospital he said 80% of cases were....you've guessed it. eek.

To Finish
I Imagine that about 3 of you have made it this far, definitely Harrison Gilmore, well done sir!
We're all getting on really well, having some great time of bible study, prayer and worship underlying any niggles that may exist. It's sometimes tricky figuring out how all this fits into our faith and how what we're doing fits into the "Mission/Purpose of God" but it's exciting too. We all firmly believe that Our God is Able!
Money has been a difficulty as my card is refusing to work, Aaron's got nicked and you'll have to ask Luke yourself about his situation! thankfully rich guys Drackie and Mew have bailed us out for a couple of days.
I'd love it if you wanted to pray for my health, and Mackie's bum! We've been going strictly veggie so stomach issues seem to be ok. Thanks for those of you who've texted! I'm a cheapskate so can't reply, but any questions fire them out and I'll do my best.

au revoir!

Tomorrrow may rain so, I'll follow the sun?

Don't have masses of time but feel like I should keep a few precious ones updated about whats happening here! Would be good to kick it off by saying its going fantastically well so far. It ain't a photo blog like Bangalore, d'y'wanna fight about it?

I did two consecutive all nighters after Andy and Debbie's marvelous Brum wedfest. Getting an all night bus to Heathrow, meeting Usian Bolt for a quick drink then flying out to Mumbai. Upon arrival it turned out the guys administrative skills were beyond comprehension, they had forgotten what day I arrived and had only recieved my fb message on the day. This meant I had no room to get back to so we had to sit around at the airport from 1.30am until 5am! Not much fun to be honest but good to link up.

After a wee sleep on the floor at the conventish place we're lodging at we went to find the father to secure my room for the next fortnight. He then revealed that he was planning on kicking the boys out because they broke the curfew the other night by three hours! Naturally he was quite pissed, but we concucted an elaborate letter of apology that seems to have done the trick, touch wood... Accom is nice, have my own room with a shower. Has less rats than the last place and is pretty secure, but slightly off the beaten track.

So what are we up to? It's flippin amazing actually, has all fallen into place rather remarkably. The boys have been up to a few different things in different slums, and I headed into Bandra slum, has probably near a million people in it, we're in the eastern region that has over 200,000 people. (22mill in Mumbai). The state of living is pretty shocking, smelly, filthy, high piles of waste everywhere with dogs and people doing their stuff wherever, whenever. It's also absolutely boiling and it's the middle of the monsoon season, not a great time for us "Milky White" boys to be here, but thats ok.

I'm in a project called Blue Edge, it's run by Oasis India, www.oasisindia.org and is sponsored by Blue Dart/DHL businesses. What it does is teach English, Social Skills and IT to 18-25 year olds that have grown up in slums and want to improve their education to gain employment elsewhere. It's amazing, I've never seen anywhere like it. Their enthusiasm to learn is almost creepy, I called a breaktime earlier in the English Class and got refused because it was "so interesting!". Crazy. So me and Aaron spend our days there as the others are in other projects. I'll have to explain those another time as I've only got a few left. It's different to Bangalore as we spend the whole day in the slum and are getting to know quite a few different locals in the community. English is sometimes good and sometimes limited, but we're just learning a lot about poverty and suffering, while trying to serve through this project and hanging out with some lads and letting them know that we think they're wicked.

Food has been a slight problem, not sure what to eat and what not to eat so have sort of not eaten a terrific amount. Mainly cake and banana sandwiches.

The first poo in days went well though, solid and with no after effects.

Visited Bombay Baptist Church on Sunday, was jetlagged but it was great, and lots of other sweet stuff has happened. It's been great to pray with the boys and try and serve this community out here. Our students are actually learning loads and it's a great chance to bring His Kingdom in in that sense, giving them a chance where they didn't. Only doing blue edge for a couple of weeks though, then Pune. Already feeling sad about that as after a few days have got to know some of the students as friends, going round for lunch on Thursday!

If you ever pray, (if not, try!) then pray for our health and our effectiveness in the classroom. We aren't currently preaching the gospel in class or anything but people are asking good questions! It's run by believers but available to all, a bit like Cantle...

My diet is less balanced than a see saw with Heskey and Defoe on and I've already sweated more than Harry Frederick in a...than Harry Frederick.

please text if you want! I love gettin em. Especially sports news!

byee!


Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. (We're studying James)

Open book

Two-service Sundays are always weird, no time to process what has gone on in your head and your heart before about 10pm, by which time you're utterly drained of all emotion and want to go and weep in a corner for no apparent reason.

Not normally into being so #heartonsleeve but I need to start marking occasions if I'm going to progress, mature and not get stuck in endless spiritual groundhog days.

This is what I wrote down tonight (in my 5 year-old scrawl)

• I don't want to be lukewarm, I don't want to be proud, I don't want to show off.
• Refine me Jesus
• Clothe me in white so that I won't be afraid
• Give me a proper and full time heart for the lost
• Give me Your heart!
• Give me eyes to see your kingdom.
• Would you really be my hope and stay, would I give you everything?
• Speak Lord, for your servant is listening
• SPEAK
• It's going to have to be built on prayer.

God showed up

God showed up tonight at Church. I remember just recognising and realising that His spirit was so obviously among us, and I was overcome with wonder - That he was also with others everywhere, that He created everything, the same spirit enabled Jesus to do what He did, wow. The same God wanted to bring me back to him, to the fullness of His vast love, what a privilege that we might be called children of God. that I don't think that every week, but it was so unavoidable that God was kicking about tonight my tiny mind had to attempt to try and comprehend it fully!

Thought of Redman's book "The Unquenchable Worshipper" when he talks about being simply overcome with wonder and just sprinting around the church car park in worship. After eight hours of very average piano playing I decided I'd prefer to be sprinting around in worship like Matt Redman or Eric Liddell, I never did, but the thought was nice...This is inspiring.

"During the songs of worship God really got hold of my heart in a fresh way, and I felt I could explode with love for Him. I was desperate to somehow let this worship out, but singing didn't feel enough...I hurried out of church, forgetting to put my shoes on, and ran round the car park for ten minutes. I must have looked like an idiot. But at the time I couldn't have cared less."

I think when meeting with God in worship leads people to acts of faith and courage that they otherwise would've ducked out of that's fantastic; but for me, when people who are involved in the worship ministry get ideas of other types of worship, there's something special about that. I remember thinking for so many years that Heaven was going to be like a never-ending Soul Survivor festival, as great as that is, I'm now very thankful it's going to be vastly different from that. We were created for so much more than #westernsoftrock! But as long as people come to meet with God through that style lets keep sharpening each other and pushing further in.

God showed up tonight, and he might even have spoken to me (?). How amazing (wish I had a better word) is that? All glory to God who is able. Life's too short to be lukewarm, time to let God show up in me. (that's enough clichés for now!)

Cringe

Surely the best thing about singing your own songs is that when you ad-lib you don't have to feel guilty about unintentionally or intentionally ripping off stuff you've heard on recordings!

When this happens, it is without doubt, total cringe.

Response?

(A few loosely related thoughts on God, and how we understand our own reaction to God.)

One of the buzz words when it comes to worship is response. We respond to God because of His glory, His faithfulness, His love, His revelation and His invitation to us. As we sing about and acknowledge who He is we are moved to respond in surrender and in worship. Agreed?

Expect

People often respond either physically or emotionally when we sing together and the temptation as a worship leader is to suss out when and how these responses occur and to replicate them. Sometimes the heart behind this is great because we simply want God to meet with us and why change a winning formula? Other times we do it because of our own insecurity. We need the affirmation of knowing people have responded to the way we have prepared. Do we ever limit the work of the Holy Spirit with our expectations? He cannot be boxed!

The Church is a body, full of life, as you grow together, you change together. The way in which God wants to speak to us one day could be entirely different the next. How can we be open to this as worship leaders? All become quakers or sing psalms like the free-church? Not necessarily no (phew!) We operate in a multitude of different styles, and time is often short, but I've a sneaking suspicion that sometimes we are significantly limiting in our facilitating of congregational worship. I need as much guidance as anybody here.

We will magnify

We don't need to hype up the Lord of creation, as if His glory could ever increase! The only change we would hope to see when we meet with God is in us, His people. We need to remember that Jesus became our High Priest (Hebrews 5) so that our meagre offerings of praise could even be looked upon by our Holy Father in heaven.

“But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteous acts are as filthy rags”

Isaiah 64.

How quickly we can lose sight of that.

But equally, what a mystery that the same God loves to dwell in our offerings. How he loves to draw near to us and share intimacy with us, He can't get enough of us, wow! (Psalm 22.3)

Point

When we lead (and always) we need to be an example of people who have caught a glimpse of the glory of the Lord, and want to respond to that with our all.

When we truly see who God is, not when we hit the clouds or rock bottom, that's when we become changed into his likeness.

When we recognise His Transcendence we are filled with awe

When we glimpse His Holiness we become full of sorrow, we can't get near Him.

When we remember His Mercy we are overcome with gratefulness.

When we acknowledge His Sovereignty there emerges a peace from a perspective on our lives.

When we try to comprehend His Grace we are bowled over with wonder, what an awesome God, such love, we could never understand.

All we can do is point to him, creatively, enthusiastically, humbly and full of awe.

Not us

It's important that we don't hold ourselves solely accountable for people's responses. Certainly, we have a responsibility, (If we start leading people in Edinburgh with Swing Low Sweet Chariot, we’re unlikely to lead them into God’s presence),but if we prepare diligently and lead faithfully we can do no more.

In the 16^th Century a man named George Whitfield went preaching in the country and was met with extraordinary responses. People were falling over, laughing hysterically and even barking like dogs. His contemporary John Wesley condemned him and recommended that he weed out and chastise the people who were just making ‘fleshly’ responses. However, Whitfield insisted that if he was to follow that route he would suffocate any response at all. 'Let God be the judge' he said. Wesley soon went on to see the same sort of thing happen in his ministry too…

We are called to be faithful in leading the worship of God but there is a point where we have to relinquish any control and it becomes exclusively a matter between the worshipper and God. Know what your role is.

It's all God

Personally I've been pretty humbled as I learn more about the grace of God. Nothing I can offer him is really worth anything on its own. I am so far from His holiness I need to be led by the hand even in my response to Him. It’s been hard to get my head round how unworthy I am, and therefore what a distance He has gone to save me. Our own imperfection means that every sacrifice of praise we make still has to be sanctified by Jesus blood, that it becomes worship acceptable to the Father. The Holy Spirit is the one that draws us to Jesus before we commit our lives to him, we don’t even know how to pray half the time so the Holy Spirit has to finish our prayers off(Romans 8). It’s all God!

Found this quote from Worshipping Trinity by Robin Parry very helpful. (It's still all God, pretty sweet we get to join in the party!)

“Week after week we have to stir ourselves up and offer God his due and, over a period of time, this can exhaust even the most enthusiastic worshipper... We need to be pointed to the worship that Christ is currently offering and join Him in it. Even our response to God’s grace is a response that God has provided us with himself as a gift.”

“Our response to God is a participation (enabled by God) in God’s own response to God.”

This might seem a bit abstract to some of you but for me it has really changed the way I approach God. We think we have it all sorted as we lead others to God and his praise, but we need to be open to learning more of Him. It can often feel very lonely leading people who might be staring blankly at you, or plotting your gruesome death as you sing Happy day again for the 13^th consecutive week. What an incredible encouragement to know that you are joining not only with the angels, but also with God the Spirit and God the Son in glorifying the Father, esteemed company indeed!

Newsong: Your grace does not run dry

Verse 1:
Broken as I am
I still will lift my voice to You
Father I am weary but
Your promise still is true

Chorus:
Your love, never falters
Your patience, amazes me
And Oh, what a comfort
Your grace does not run dry
Your grace will not run dry

Verse 2:
Who can I depend on but
The God who gave His all?
Stepping with Your Spirit, Jesus
I will follow

Bridge:
Jesus, Saviour
Jesus, Healer
Jesus, what a comfort
Your grace does not run dry

Newsong: Don't leave us unchanged

Verse 1:
Lord, we've come to meet with You
To offer our praise unto You God
And to lift Your name on high

So, as we respond to You
Please open our hearts to who You are
Who You are

Chorus:
Our God, is a God who saves
Is a God who saves
We will worship You Jesus
Our response is praise
to your Holy name
Don't leave us unchanged

Verse 2:
Father would Your love overflow and move
Out of Your church into the world
For Your glory and Your fame

We need more, more of Your spirit to declare
Jesus is Lord of everything
Lord of all!

Bridge:
Our response is praise,
We will worship You Jesus

It's your holy name
Don't leave us unchanged.

Let these words be true for me please

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness seems to hide His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.